to treat my brother that we might truly be loving and helpful to each other ... fulfilling our purpose to glorify God.

dear friends,

last night, out of need to see where i still have unhealed 'equality and worth' issues ... as well as offer something helpful to all of us involved in relationship conflict at tgp right now ... i asked Raj to shine some healing clarity on the situation ... through me or anyone. this morning on awakening  i reached for one of the books sitting on my night table  ... it opened  to this page ...

offered in love and sister/brotherhood ... orinda

Your Brother

You are constantly overestimating your brother's importance in your life. On the one hand, you would like to blame him for all of your problems, and crucify him, as you did me. And on the other hand, you would like to raise him onto a pedestal and worship him, as you worship me.

You have a very hard time, however, treating your brother as an equal. When I asked you to love your neighbor as yourself, I gave you a very simple rule to go by in your affairs. Unfortunately, if you do not love yourself, you won't have much luck loving your neighbor.

Learning to love yourself and learning to love your brother go hand in hand. You can't love your brother and hate yourself, or love yourself and hate your brother. Your feelings about your brother simply mirror your feelings about yourself.

As such, your interactions with your brother help you to see what you must forgive in yourself. Forgiving your brother for his trespass on you only helps him if it enables him to forgive himself. Like-wise, receiving your brother's forgiveness for your trespass on him only helps you if it enables you to forgive yourself.

The forgiveness of others is necessary only if you believe that it is. If you do, as most people do, making amends is important. Asking others for forgiveness demonstrates that you are ready to change your own mind about what happened. That is an important first step in the process.

However, do not make the mistake of giving your brother the "power" to forgive you. This places power outside of yourself, where it can never be. Ask for forgiveness, but if he withholds it, do not assume that forgiveness will never be yours. Indeed, it is always yours. Those who withhold forgiveness only withhold it from themselves.

If you find yourself condemning your brother, you can be sure it is not him you condemn. It is some shamed part of yourself you have not acknowledged. Perceiving inadequacy in your brother cannot make you feel better, for it merely aggravates your own sense of unworthiness.

Neither justice nor salvation are to be gained by attacking your brother. Please see this for what it is. Every nail you pound into your brother's hand holds you to the cross. I am the proof of that. For I will remain on the cross in your perception until all attack stops. Until then, you and I share something in common: we have both been crucified

In your interactions with your brother, you have a simple choice: to find him innocent or to find him guilty. This choice occurs over and over again, every day, every hour, every moment. Thought by thought, you imprison your brother or release him. And as you choose to treat him, so do you deliver the same judgment upon yourself.

You cannot get to heaven by holding your brother down, nor will you get there if you try to carry him. Each of you has been given the means to discover your own innocence. Simply acknowledge your brother and bless him upon his journey. If he asks for your help, give it gladly. But do not try to do for your brother what he must do for himself.

Proper boundaries are necessary if you are to move beyond them. Don't make your peace and happiness your brother's responsibility, or make his peace and happiness yours. He is not here to save you, nor you to save him.

On the other hand, release your brother from every grievance you have of him. Do not withhold love from him in any way. For to try to hold him back from his happiness is but to attack him and imprison yourself in the grip of fear and guilt.

Do not avoid your brother's call for help. Let him work by your side as long as he will. And when he is ready to leave, wish him well. Give him food and water for the journey. Don't make him beholden to you or force him to stay against his will.

Your brother's freedom is but a symbol of your own. Therefore, let him come and go gracefully. Welcome him when he comes and bid him farewell when he goes. More than that you cannot do. Yet this much is enough. Care for each stranger in this way, and I will show you a world where trust has returned and clarity rules.

Love your neighbor as you would love yourself. Make him equally important. Do not sacrifice for him or ask him to sacrifice for you, but help him when you can and receive his help gratefully when you need it. This simple dignified exchange is a gesture of love and acceptance. It demonstrates mutual confidence and mutual regard.

More than this is too much. Less than this is too little.

from ... Love Without Conditions - Reflections of the Christ Mind - by Paul Ferrini