Thank you so much Lynn. This is wonderful.  I am so glad all this is coming forth.  I haven't read it all yet but I had to come say, Wow!  and it addresses my particular need for clarity around the chicken and egg, too. 

I wonder, are you experiencing 'change'?  You must be.  We must all be.  For heaven's sake!  I played volley-ball yesterday.  It was something I did in my teens and years ago, when I tried just one shot, the impact hurt enough to make me withdraw.  Yesterday though, I had so much more freedom and enjoyed it.  I laughed at my inability to jump more than a couple of inches off the ground-I felt so heavy in spite of the effort.  But it was refreshing and a lot of fun.

I also noticed that I felt I was not connecting with others and missed this.  It felt almost as though I was in a dream in which people are images and i couldn't get the feel for anything with them.  On the grass court, we had different ages and I explored relationships there; it was so difficult to feel a smile from them as though, even the little one, were asleep?  

Much love, and thank you for the care when I 'cried on your shoulder'. Kitty is walking again, and jumping a little too.  Poor guy, he still is confined in his cage even though I let him roam inside at night.  I'm listening for more clarity on this, actually, I am praying for the courage to listen well.

Much Love