Thank you so much Lynn. This is wonderful. I am so glad all this is coming forth. I haven't read it all yet but I had to come say, Wow! and it addresses my particular need for clarity around the chicken and egg, too.
I wonder, are you experiencing 'change'? You must be. We must all be. For heaven's sake! I played volley-ball yesterday. It was something I did in my teens and years ago, when I tried just one shot, the impact hurt enough to make me withdraw. Yesterday though, I had so much more freedom and enjoyed it. I laughed at my inability to jump more than a couple of inches off the ground-I felt so heavy in spite of the effort. But it was refreshing and a lot of fun.
I also noticed that I felt I was not connecting with others and missed this. It felt almost as though I was in a dream in which people are images and i couldn't get the feel for anything with them. On the grass court, we had different ages and I explored relationships there; it was so difficult to feel a smile from them as though, even the little one, were asleep?
Much love, and thank you for the care when I 'cried on your shoulder'. Kitty is walking again, and jumping a little too. Poor guy, he still is confined in his cage even though I let him roam inside at night. I'm listening for more clarity on this, actually, I am praying for the courage to listen well.