Posted 2019-12-25 9:12 PM (#233489) Subject: Santa Claus converting to Judaism ....
Location: Gresham, Oregon, USA
Thanks to Sun~Rose: Posted 2006-12-28 5:39 AM (#81452)
Subject: This is unbelievably funny
Exhausted and overworked, Santa Claus
has decided to convert to Judaism to lessen his workload and decrease his stress.
Mr. Claus's first inkling that Judaism was his new intended path
was when he was unloading one particularly heavy bag of gifts
and muttered: "Oy Oy Oy!" instead of: "Ho Ho Ho!"
Santa took this as Divine inspiration and began some serious reflection on the matter.
Mr. Claus sat down at his desk in the North Pole and itemized the benefits
of bringing toys to Jewish children.
Most obvious was that there were far fewer children to service:
approximately 3,000,000 Jewish children, as opposed
to almost 500,000,000 Christian children.
The next obvious benefit was that he had eight days of Hanukkah
to deliver all of these gifts, instead of jamming the entire shipment into one night,
which constantly required the already weary Santa to travel at the speed of light
to accomplish the task.
Finally, the straw that broke the reindeer's back
was the realization that Jewish households had far more delicious cuisine to offer:
gefilte fish, chicken soup, blintzes, knishes and the like are more palatable than
the milk and cookies he got bored of, after the second century.
Circumcision won't be necessary for Santa, because that's already been taken care of
in a freak accident involving frostbite, after getting stuck in a tight chimney.
Santa has left the frigid, brutal confines of the North Pole and has begun his toy shop anew in the sunny climes of Miami Beach, Florida.
He has fired all of those annoying elves and replaced them
with nice Jewish retirees from New York.