(What was being conveyed in the last ‘Listening in’ was that I must trust this ‘doing is being’ thing. This article that I have just scanned into Zazen [what I call my computer] about Wu-wei ~ the way of Zen ~ says the same thing. [I cried when I read it just now.]
Maybe it was okay that I haven’t been stopping and contemplating…as I have always done before. I have not done my usual deliberations. I have not been checking in…‘listening in’ and ‘take dictation’…being ponderous as I have always been…That maybe this new modus operandi is something to trust and relax into…?)
What was being brought into sharp relief [into view] was that you will feel when you are not being surrendered. You will feel it whilst you are busy. You have become acutely tuned into the quiet silken threads of being.
When there is the tiniest strand, turned slightly out of kilter ~ a misbelief ~ you feel it most keenly. You are alert to the calls for restoration. You don’t do anything as a result. You just are aware of it and you ‘give in’ to, and accept, what has occurred. You can trust the thread that is out of kilter. It’s all, all of it, bounded by Existence.
There are no real guidelines for this experience you have. This is non-doing that for all the world looks very busy. This is the ‘still-point’ of the ‘turning world’.
(This brief coldy thing…and the previous drawn out bug…I have refused love again…somehow…)
YOU ARE LOVE, LOVE ITSELF. YOU HAVE REFUSED YOURSELF!
Long tearful pause.
You are bounded by Existence too…so trust what you are and how you be. There are no reference points for what you are feeling and how you be…you will NOT have it confirmed to you out there. It isn’t something you can explain either or share verbally.
It is wordless. It is a hidden absolute. It is the Divine Heave totally at home with Itself. It can’t be explained. It is a motion of Grace given. It is Presence. Purity. And explanation can add nothing to it.
(So I am more heaved and divinely grabbed than I allow for…after all? And my doing is…Um, how I’ve lived lately…has not been love-refused? I have not been spending time…setting time aside…for contemplation as I have always done. Can this be right, when all teachings say that this is vital…always…?)
The contemplation you have done has allowed you to be familiar with the stillness within. And now, as you work, you have your feet in the Quiet Waters of Life. You know that you cannot take one breath without it having been given to you.
(Do I really know this? I would be awake to the experience of enlightenment ~ the Allness Heave ~ and not in this current state of comatose denial… And I have been ill…so I doubt…I still ‘fear’ as Paul/Raj put it so well, last Thursday…I know that I fear still...)
You have simply been cruel to yourself.
You have judged yourself because what you are being is not like anything you can refer to ‘outside’ of yourself.
(Oh god, isn’t this the slippery slope to megalomania?)
Trust what you be ‘be-ed’…trust that all you have felt about being available and ready and active is absolutely right…that you must be able to be active and still at one and the same time! And 24/7 too!
(Here’s the rub: Here ‘we’ are doing the ‘Listening In’ dance…which is a duality thing…So I am a contradiction…a muddle…I am afraid that I don’t see…that I am just deluded…)
You know what is really tricking you? You think that sentience, as breathed by Existence, should feel more impactful than it does.
But your being is ‘easy’. Your doing is ‘simple’ and ‘plain’. And this is the way of things. It is so very, very unadorned.
(I see. This…this ‘still point of the turning world’ is so ridiculously natural…I have doubted that this most natural of motions is what it is! Yes…I understand…in fact it’s so damned intrinsic and normal, I have not needed to make an issue of it…it’s just like breathing… Well, I am a fool, right? [ironic smile] )
Lets recap: Flow, flow, flow and trust all that you are. Your roots are in the River of Life and your branches are spread far and wide in the Endless Sky, bearing the fruit that Existence Heaves, without any effort needed whatsoever. Enjoy the most natural rising of the sap within you! You are the pipe that godness plays upon ~ 24/7.
And if you make nothing of all this…this is because you are not self-conscious about it. You are busy being it, as it is being you. There is no duality about being the Source and being Sourced. IT IS THE SAME.
(So……where does the ‘witness’ bit fit in…?)
This is where we move out from beyond what you have been ‘taught’. Witnessing implies a watcher and something to watch. But there comes a point when the witnesser is the witnessed…and there is no experience of duality.
So…so…this is how doing is being and being is doing…and there’s no separation…)
Now will you trust what is happening, more?
(I’m aware of ‘misaligned threads’ of being, like tiny inner pin-pricks…these are dualities too…I’ve kind of…Um…what have I done just lately? Fucked up, that’s for sure!)
You have taken your boat out of the river, instead of just trusting the motion…the wu-wei of the Ultimate Stream in which you are subsumed.
(And ironically, this ‘Listening in’ was kind of stepping out from that stream…I doubted…and heaved to…yet even this…even this kind of duality is Bounded by Existence…and it’s okay.)
Look at the words you used.
(Yeah…I 'heaved to'. I tried to heave life my ‘self’…as if I could…alone! There is no 'alone'. I denied that I am heaved totally and that I need not be circumspect about it. If I dive in, I shall be Lifted. And Lifted I shall be the Lift. Heaved and heaver are one and the same.
I believe, help thou my unbelief! [grin] )
Oh, but you know it’s All too Big to talk about really…
(Oh, very funny!
Another paradox...This talking leads me to the wordless again…and that’s where I was, in the wordless dance…until I became afraid…and got the boat out of the water… Hah! As if I could ever really do that ~ step out of Totality.
It would be like packing the sky into a briefcase…or suddenly switching off a super nova. ‘Thinking makes it so.’ Thinking makes it seem so! Attempting the impossible doesn’t sit well with my body, does it?)